This week I'm watching my friend Kim's house and two little dogs while she's in Vegas..She lives in this great big house on what we call "Hillside" here in ANC which is (as you probably figured) up on the hill that overlooks ANC. I have house sat for her lots of times and I have to say in the summer...all I could think about was the bears (they are constantly in the backyard up there) breaking down the door and eating me. I realize that's far fetched but when you're in bear country, watching a 4,000 square foot house you are not familiar with, and it makes creeks and noises you swear you hear in every horror movie where some girl is calling out "Is someone there??" while the mass murderer is in the house...well, you get the idea. So, now that it's winter, it's much more relaxing because I know there are no bears in the back yard...only the small possibility of a serial killer hiding in the house. Now I love dogs, I really do. Not as much as I love cats of course, but I still love them (Gizmo and Wickett).
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Well, Kim has two little shih tzu's. I really do like them, HOWEVER....they are spoiled beyond spoiled. They have to sleep with me because if I don't put them in the bed with me, they will bark and whine ALL NIGHT LONG. I learned that lesson already. The topper though?? Yes, it would be when we are laying in the perfect silence of the night and all of the sudden I hear the smacking of tongues and balls. I know it's graphic and I have to apologize but SERIOUSLY??? It's the #1 sound that sends me into a fit of RAGE. Although I would never do it...I imagine my foot launching those dogs off the bed as if they were being shot out of a cannon. Instead of that though, it goes something like this.....SLURP, SLURP....Gizmo, STOP!...........SILENCE.............SLURP, SLURP.......GIZMOOOOOOOOOO, NO!
.......SILENCE. What have we learned today you're asking?? If there was something that would send me into a crazy mental hospital...it would be the sound of a dog licking their genitals or sphincter. End of story.
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Well, Kim has two little shih tzu's. I really do like them, HOWEVER....they are spoiled beyond spoiled. They have to sleep with me because if I don't put them in the bed with me, they will bark and whine ALL NIGHT LONG. I learned that lesson already. The topper though?? Yes, it would be when we are laying in the perfect silence of the night and all of the sudden I hear the smacking of tongues and balls. I know it's graphic and I have to apologize but SERIOUSLY??? It's the #1 sound that sends me into a fit of RAGE. Although I would never do it...I imagine my foot launching those dogs off the bed as if they were being shot out of a cannon. Instead of that though, it goes something like this.....SLURP, SLURP....Gizmo, STOP!...........SILENCE.............SLURP, SLURP.......GIZMOOOOOOOOOO, NO!
1 comment:
I already know that drives you crazy - I can't count how many times you launched Simon for doing that very thing....but still, this post had me laughing outloud.
"the smacking of tongues and balls."
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